Old sailors sit and chew the fat
about things that used to be, of the things they've seen,
the places they've been, when ventured out to sea.
They remembered friends from long ago, the times they had back then.
The money they spent, the beer they drank, in their days as sailing men.
Their lives are lived in days gone by, with thoughts that forever last.
Of bell bottom blues, winged white hats, and good times in their past.
They recall long nights with a moon so bright far out on a lonely sea.
The thoughts they has as youthful lads, when their lives were wild and free.
They knew so well how their hearts would swell When Old Glory fluttered proud and free.
The underway Pennant such a beautiful sight as they plowed through an angry sea.
They talked of the chow ol' Cookie would make and the shrill of the bosun's call.
How salt spray would fall like sparks from hell when a storm struck in the night.
They remember old shipmates already gone who forever hold a spot in their heart,
when sailors were bold, and friendships would hold,
until death ripped them apart.
Their sailing days are gone away, never again will they cross the brow.
They have no regrets,
Afghanistan Christmas Carol
they know they are blessed,
for honoring a sacred vow.
Their numbers grow less with each passing day as the final muster begins,
there's nothing to lose,
all have paid their dues,
until they'll sail with shipmates again.
I've heard them say before getting underway that there's still some sailing to do,
they'll say with a grin
that their ship has come in
and the Lord is Commanding the crew.
(Author unknown)Submitted by CWO4 Jeff Carson (RET)CHENG USS Quapaw
T'was the night before Christmas and all through the Land,
They're running like rabbits in Afghanistan,
Osama's been praying, he's down on his Knees,
He's hoping that Allah will hear all his Pleas.
He thought if he killed us that we'd fall and Shatter,
But all that he's done is just make us Madder.
We ain't yet forgotten our Marines in Beirut,
And we'll kick your butt, with one heavy Boot.
And yes we remember the USS Cole,
And the lives of our sailors that you bastards Stole.
You think you can rule us and cause us to Fear,
You'll soon get the answer if you live to Hear.
And we ain't forgotten your buddy Saddam,
And he ain't forgotten the sound of our Bombs.
You think that those mountains are somewhere to Hide.
They'll go down in history as the place where you Died.
Remember Khadhafi and his Line of Death?
He came very close, to his final Breath.
So come out and prove it, that you are a Man,
Cause our boys are coming and they have a Plan.
They are our fathers and they are our Sons,
And they sure do carry some mighty big Guns.
They would have stayed home with children and Wives,
Till you bastards came here and took all these Lives.
Osama I wrote this especially for You,
For air mail delivery by B-52.
You soon will be hearing a thud and a whistle,
Old Glory is coming, attached to a Missile
I will not be sorry to see your ass Go.
It's Red, White, and Blue that is running this Show
They say that marriage is a 50-50 proposition,
but you will find that a Navy wife will disagree with you.
As far as she's concerned, marriage is a full thirty-three and a third share.
We'll bet there is many a brown bagger's wife who sometimes wishes
the words used at a sailor's wedding read something like this:
"Wilt thou, Seaman, take this woman as thy lawful wedded wife,
to live together insofar as the Bureau of Naval Personnel will allow?
Wilt thou love her, take her to movies and return home promptly after liberty call?"
"Wilt though, ______, take this sailor as thy lawful wedded husband,
bearing in mind liberty hours, ship's schedules, watches, sudden orders,
uncertain mail and all other problems of Navy life? Wilt thou serve him,
love, honor and wait for him, learn to wash and fold blues and
keep the smoking lamp lit for him at home?" "I will."
"I, Seaman, take thee as my wedded wife from 1630 to 0700
as far as permitted by my commanding Officer,
liberty hours subject to change without notice, for better or worse,
for earlier or later, and I promise to write at least once a week."
"I, ______, take thee, Seaman, as my wedded husband,
subject to orders of the Navy, changing residence whenever the ship moves,
to have and to hold as long as my allotment comes through regularly,
and there is given my troth."
"By virtue of the authority vested in Navy Regs,
subject to regulations of the BUPERS manual and latest BUPERS notices,
I pronounce you man and wife!!!!"
Why I Love South Dakota at Christmas
When it's Christmas in South Dakota,
And the gentle breezes blow,
About seventy miles an hour
And its fifty-two below,
You can tell you're in South Dakota
'Cause the snow's up to your butt.
You take a breath of Christmas air
And your nostrils both freeze shut.
The weather here is wonderful,
So I guess I'll hang around,
I could never leave South Dakota . .
My feet are frozen to the ground!
How To Simulate Being A Sailor
Buy a steel dumpster, paint it gray inside and out,
and live in it for six months.
Run all the pipes and wires in your house exposed on the walls.
Repaint your entire house every month.
Renovate your bathroom: Build a wall across the middle of the bathtub
and move the shower head to chest level.
When you take showers, make sure you turn off the water while you soap down.
Put lube oil in your humidifier and set it on high.
Once a week, blow compressed air up your chimney,
making sure the wind carries the soot onto your neighbor's house.
Ignore his complaints.
Once a month, take all major appliances apart and then reassemble them.
Raise the thresholds and lower the headers of your front and back doors,
so that you either trip or bang your head every time you pass through them.
Disassemble and inspect your lawnmower every week.
On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays,
turn your water heater temperature up to 200 degrees.
On Tuesdays and Thursdays, turn the water heater off.
On Saturdays and Sundays tell your family they use too much water
during the week, so no bathing will be allowed.
Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling,
so you can't turn over without getting out and then getting back in.
Sleep on the shelf in your closet.
Replace the closet door with a curtain.
Have your spouse whip open the curtain about 3 hours after you go to sleep,
shine a flashlight in your eyes, and say "Sorry, wrong rack".
Make your family qualify to operate each appliance in your house -
dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc.
Have your neighbor come over each day at 5 am,
blow a whistle so loud Helen Keller could hear it,
and shout "Reveille, reveille, all hands heave out and trice up".
Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do the
while she reads it to you.
Submit a request chit to your father-in-law requesting permission to
leave your house before 3 pm.
Empty all the garbage bins in your house and sweep the driveway
three times a day, whether it needs it or not.
Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your magazines,
and randomly lose every 5th item before delivering it to you.
Watch no TV except for movies played in the middle of the night.
Have your family vote on which movie to watch,
then show a different one.
When your children are in bed, run into their room with a megaphone
shouting that your home is under attack and ordering them to their
Make your family menu a week ahead of time without consulting the
pantry or refrigerator.
Post a menu on the kitchen door informing your family that they are
having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for an hour.
When they finally get to the kitchen, tell them you are out of steak,
but they can have dried ham or hot dogs.
Repeat daily until they ignore the menu and just ask for hot dogs.
Bake a cake. Prop up one side of the pan so the cake bakes unevenly.
Spread icing real thick to level it off.
Get up every night around midnight and have a peanut butter
and jelly sandwich on stale bread.
Set your alarm clock to go off a random during the night.
At the alarm,
jump up and dress as fast as you can, making sure to button
your top shirt button and tuck your pants into your socks.
Run out into the back yard and uncoil the garden hose.
Every week or so, throw your cat or dog in the pool and shout
"Man overboard port side!" Rate your family members on how fast they respond.
Put the headphones from your stereo on your head, but don't plug them in.
Hang a paper cup around your neck on a string.
Stand in front of the stove, speak into the cup again "Stove secured."
Roll up the headphones and paper cup and stow them in a shoebox.
Place a podium at the end of your driveway.
Have your family stand watches at the podium, rotating at 4 hour intervals.
This is best done when the weather is worst. January is a good time.
When there is a thunderstorm in your area, get a wobbly rocking chair,
sit in it and rock as hard as you can until you become nauseous.
Make sure to have a supply of stale crackers in your shirt pocket.
For former engineers: bring your lawn mower into the living room,
and run it all day long.
Make coffee using eighteen scoops of budget priced coffee grounds per pot,
and allow the pot to simmer for 5 hours before drinking.
Have someone under the age of ten give you a haircut with sheep shears.
Sew the back pockets of your jeans on the front.
Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes
and go to the scummiest part of town.
Find the most run down, trashiest bar, and drink beer
until you are hammered. Then walk all the way home.
Lock yourself and your family in the house for six weeks.
Tell them that at the end of the 6th week you are going to take them
to Disney World for "liberty".
At the end of the 6th week, inform them the trip to Disney World
has been canceled because they need to get ready for an inspection,
and it will be another week before they can leave the house.
Sent to me by Clyde Wilcox
Got a sea story? Send it my way!